(This is a sample only. This material is
copywrited. Do not print. Do not copy.)
(The rights to copy and perform are only
available by purchase.)
(You may read this only as an example of the types
of material written by Randy Manning.)
(All Rights Reserved.)
"Dad's too Busy!"
While not being heavy-handed, this sketch helps you
say...
"Go to Church"
© 2001 Randy Manning
Dad
– middle aged wearing “around the house clothing” such as ugly shorts, t-shirt, etc.
Mom
– middle aged wearing “Sunday clothes”
Jimmy
– between 8 and 12. Wearing
“Sunday Clothes”
Jenny
– between 7 and 10. Wearing
“Sunday Clothes”
God
– Man with microphone off stage
Dad
and Mom enter
Mom
Well, I guess we’re about ready. (yells
off stage) You kids ready?
Jimmy
(from off stage) No,
I can’t find my game boy!
Dad
Look, young man! You don’t
need a game boy!
Jimmy
(enters, holding game boy up)
I found it!
Dad
Put that away. You’re
going to church to worship and learn about God!
Jimmy
Dad! The game boy is not for
church!
Dad
It’s not?
Jimmy
No, it’s for Sunday School.
Mom
(yelling off stage) Jenny!
Come on!
Jenny
Ok, I’m coming! (enters)
Where are we going?
Mom
To church! Remember, I woke
you up this morning and said let’s go to
church?
Jenny
(with a blank look) Was
that today?
Mom
(to husband) Is it
child abuse if you give them caffeine?
Jimmy
(Back in) Not if
it’s administered via a sweetened carbonated beverage.
Dad
What?
Jimmy
(slowly because Dad’s not too bright)
Soda.
Mom
(leading Jenny and Jimmy out)
You sure you can’t come to church with us?
Dad
(walking them out) (sadly)
No, I just have all those chores I gotta get done! I
have to fix that actuator valve under the sink.
Then I have to replum the lawn mower. If I get all that done, I’ll have to calibrate the hot
water heater!
Mom
(patting him on the cheek) Honey,
you work too hard! (turn and
walks out)
Dad
(calling after them) Yeah,
it’s hard work, but it won’t get done on it’s own!
(waits and watches, then, when the coast is clear, runs to the chair, pulls
out a canned drink, a remote control and a big bowl of popcorn.
He flips on the television. Sound
comes up and he watches, and flips the channels.
Dad is looking at television that faces away from audience, but audience
can hear it. He uses remote to flip
between channels. We’ll hear
something like a basketball game, a baseball game, maybe a soap opera, maybe
“Who Want’s to be a Millionaire”, settles on a Three Stooges movie.)
God
(Chuckles)
Dad
(looks around, sees no one. Resumes
watching TV)
God
(chuckles again) This
is a good one.
Dad
(jumps out of chair, looking around)
God
I really like this part coming up! Moe
pokes himself in the eye! (a
very “Godly”
laugh)
Dad
(afraid) Who’s
there?
God
Who’s there? You mean
besides us?
Dad
(turns down volume with remote) No,
I mean you. Who are you?
God
You know who I am.
Dad
(figures it out) Charlie!
Wow, you had me for a second! Ok,
ok! You got me!
This is payback for that ferret I put in your mail box.
Does your postman still have that scar?
God
I'm not Charlie, I’m God.
Dad
Riiiiiiiight!
God
Do you often confuse “Charlie” with God?
Dad
(laughing at the thought) No,
Charlie’s not much like God! I
mean, you’re not much like God.
God
I AM God.
Dad
(he’ll play along) Ok,
prove to me that you’re God!
God
Ok, Thomas, how should I prove to you that I’m the real deal?
Dad
Oops, you made your first mistake! My
name’s not Thomas! God would know
that!
God
So would Charlie. You just
reminded me of someone else who doubted me once.
Dad
Who?
God
Never mind, so how should I prove to you that I am God?
Dad
Well, tell me how many hairs I have on my head.
God
Including the 14 you lost in the sink this morning?
Dad
Funny, real funny. No, just
the ones attached to my head right now.
God
(quickly) 13468
Dad
Ok, (realizing that might not have been the most effective question) I guess I’ll take your word for that.
(thinking) Ok,
in 8th grade how did I show everyone that I had a crush on Mary
Singletary?
God
You pulled her chair out from under her in History Class.
Dad
(proudly) That’s
right!
God
Tell Mary I said happy anniversary!
Dad
Ok, I will! (thinking)
hmmmmmmm, I know. Tell
me my deepest darkest secret.
God
When no one is around, you watch the Teletubbies.
Dad
(disappointed) Yeah,
they’re not on right now. (then realizing)
Hey, you ARE God!
God
You know, you really should try that Gingko Biloba.
Dad
I’m so sorry, what can I do for you…(not sure what to call him) God…All Knowing One… (weakly) sir?
God
What can you do for me? Oh,
not much. Don’t you have some
things to do?
Dad
No.
God
Don’t you have to fix that actuator valve under the sink?
Dad
Oh, well….I just…
God
Then you should really re-plum the lawn mower.
Dad
Well, I really just thought….
God
And if you get all that done, you better calibrate the hot water heater!
Dad
You heard all that, did you?
God
Hey…I’m God!
Dad
Right.
God
I’ve got an idea. I know
what you could do this morning!
Dad
What?
God
Go to church.
Dad
What?
God
Go to church.
Dad
What for?
God
(like it’s obvious) To
worship?
Dad
(with a little swagger) Hey
I can worship God at home. I can
worship God… (corrects himself), you….just as good at home as I can
at church!
God
Ok, do it.
Dad
What?
God
Do it. Worship God.
Dad
(taken aback) Right
here….right now?
God
(with authority) Right
here, and right now. Go ahead.
Worship!
Dad
(stands uncomfortably, wrings hands,
switching weight from one leg to the
other, tugs at shirt collar as if it’s too tight…Then finally and weakly
sings) Kum Ba Yah., my Lord, Kum Ba Yah., Kum Ba Yah…..(stopping)
Why do I have to go to church.
Isn’t it kind of a woman thing?
God
Your Dad used to take you to church.
He took you to Sunday School too!
Dad
Yeah, but I don’t want to sit thru a long service!
God
13467
Dad
What?
God
Sorry, you just lost a hair.
Dad
Oh…(back on the subject) But
I send my kids to church!
God
You should be taking them.
Dad
But I don’t want to go to church!
God
13466
Dad
(covering hair) Stop
it!
God
Are you going to start going to church?
Dad
Sundays are such a busy day for me.
God
13465
Dad
(covering hair again) Ok,
Ok, I’ll go! I’ll go!
I’m leaving now!
God
Good! Oh, and one more
thing!
Dad
What?
God
Sign up for a Bible study.
Dad
(adamantly) Now
that’s where I draw the line!
God
13464
Dad
But…
God
63
Dad
(louder) But…
God
62
Dad
(louder) Ok!
Ok! I’ll do it!
I’m leaving for church now! (picks
up remote and points it at the television.)
God
Hey, can you leave that on?
Dad
Why?
God
“Andy Griffith” is next.
Dad
(coyly) Aren’t you
going to church?
God
I’m already there.
Dad
Oh…yeah. (sheepishly)
‘Guess so. (slowly
moves toward the door.)
God
Oh, and Ed?
Dad
(stops) Yeah?
God
Would you do me a favor?
Dad
(with a whine) What
kinda fav……(realizes and quickly starts fixing his hair with his hands
and says) Yes!
I would love to do you a favor!
God
Great. I’d like you to
relay a little message for me?
Dad
Of course.
God
Tell Pastor ________________, (insert your pastor’s name here) God
says, “Wind your watch more often.” It
seems to be slowing down during the sermon.
(or, you may insert a “running joke” at your church here, stop
wearing the orange tie, don’t tell the “Rabbi story” again, etc.)
Dad
(swallows hard) Right!
(He exits)
(This is a sample only. This material is
copywrited. Do not print. Do not copy.)
(The rights to copy and perform are only
available by purchase.)
(You may read this only as an example of the types
of material written by Randy Manning.)
(All Rights Reserved.)
This sketch, and the rights to
perform it are included in
"Sermon
Sketches 1" & "The
Collected Sketches...so far"
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